For weeks, months and possibly even years, you have been putting off, starting your own business, changing career, finding that perfect partner or even travelling the world, however up to now you still haven’t done it.
Because you have been stopping yourself, not allowing yourself to do what your heart truly desires you to do. I know, you are saying, this is not the case, I cannot start my own business, I don’t have the funds or the business knowledge to get started. My age and I have family commitments that stop me from travelling the world. As for finding the perfect partner, you tell yourself that there are no good men or women out there, or all the good ones are either married, in relationships or dead. You maybe even telling yourself that no-one will have you. You do realise that these are just excuses we use to stay within our comfort zone.
For many years I made the same excuses and I was afraid to come out of my comfort zone. I told myself that I couldn’t have my own business, that my advice would not be listened to or accepted as credible. None of these were facts, it was my beliefs about myself. In fact when I did take the bull by the horns and went out there, the response that I received was phenomenal. To be honest the feedback I received blue me away, because it wasn’t what I was expecting. Deciding to step out of my zone of comfort, allowed others to see what I can do and to make up their minds on this basis and gave me the chance to create beliefs that were real, beliefs that were factual about my ability to create change for myself and others, doing what I truly wanted.
You see we are our own worst enemy because of those negative beliefs and images we hold about ourselves, our capabilities and ability to survive outside of our comfort zone and do something new. There are many reasons that show up in our lives that prove that we are our own worst enemy. I can think of 3 reasons that stop us following our dreams and show us up as being our own worst enemy.
The first of these reasons are:
Firstly, responsibility is something we choose to do – it’s a choice to take or not. When we choose to take responsibility we are saying we choose to act in a certain way in specific situations and events etc. When we refuse to take responsibility, instead of acting in a specific way, we re-act to the situation or in some cases we do nothing. When we do not take responsibility for not doing what we want, we usually make excuses by blaming someone or something other than ourselves.
Leland Val Van De Wall said, “When a person takes responsibility for their life and the results they are obtaining, they will cease to blame others as the cause of their results. Since you cannot change other people, blame is inappropriate. Blaming others causes a person to remain bound in a prison of their own making. When you take responsibility, blame is eliminated and you are free to grow.”
George Bernard Shaw said, “People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them, they make them.”
I bet you didn’t ever imagine that not taking responsibility was you turning against yourself, making you your own worst enemy and that denying yourself by not taking responsibility was actually your way of giving your power away to the circumstances or situations that arise in your life. It’s a big rejection of yourself, who you are and who you were created to be.
To start taking responsibility and stop being your own worst enemy remember:
- First and foremost, responsibility is a choice – your choice.
- That responsibility meaning that you have the ability to respond to your situation the way you want to in order to keep your power and not give it away.
- When you are being responsible you are acting on your circumstance and not just reacting to them.
The second reason for you being your own worst enemy is:
- Habitual Behaviour
Our habitual behaviour is automatic and used on a regular basis. It is the behaviour that we repeat as it is comfortable and rewarding in some ways to you as an individual. Habitual behaviour is learnt and individuals is not usually aware of and is usually triggered by a cue or a change in their circumstances or situation.
For example, Ben is always starting new projects, which he loves. Ben is always very enthusiastic about the start of a new project. He loved spending hours on his laptop, doing research, creating products and setting up websites. However, between 8 – 12 weeks into Ben’s projects, when he has done the research, created his products and built his website, it’s time to start attracting customers. This is when Ben’s enthusiasm starts to wear off. He stops following through, he does no marketing to attract clients and his to do list never gets ticked off, the project is eventually left undone.
The trigger or cue for Ben’s habitual behaviour to kick in is when he has to start attracting customers and marketing his business. This is when he stops following through with his project and goes back into his comfort zone of being at the start up point again. His reward is being back at the point of doing research, creating products and websites. The issue with this habitual behaviour process is that you never complete anything, you never get to an end goal, leaving you feeling a lack of achievement and self doubt.
To stop behaving habitually to your situations:
- Take time to get to know yourself and how you behave in situations.
- Look for patterns in your behaviour and the outcomes you have been getting.
- Look for the comfort and rewards you are getting from continuing with these behaviours.
- Find that compelling why to help with breaking the habitual behaviour chains
The third reason that can make you your own worst enemy is:
When you are standing in fear it will stop you taking responsibility. It keeps you held in negative habitual behaviours and beliefs. Fear will keep you paralysed, so that you do not reach out towards your dreams or goals.
To get beyond the fear and stop being your own worst enemy, learn what fear is, This is your first step to doing what you want to do even with fear being present.
Mark Twain said, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but the mastery of it!”
- Recognise your story – the story you tell yourself about what happened to you in the past why you are fearful of taking action presently.
- Remember that fear is connected to the inner state of mind – what are you thinking and believing about yourself or your circumstances that is holding you in fear, e.g. take note of what you say to yourself – are you telling yourself that you are not good enough or you dont believe you can create the changes you want.
- Visualise a positive way to deal with your fears
- Approach your fears head on
Remember FEAR means:
- False Evidence Appearing Real – Most people react to fear before it happens because they make an assumption of what might happen if they expose themselves to or take this step. We create the fear due to our inability to confront the fear. We can get through it if we had the courage. Yet most people retreat from the false evidence they perceive (see) before them.
- False Expectation Appearing Real – Having false expectations are thoughts about the future, based upon what we have experienced in the past, and based upon what we think is going to happen in the future. The past” is not here anymore, the thing that is left from the past is a collection of memories and thoughts of what you think has happened.
- Forget Everything And Run – This type of fear comes up when things get difficult for us to do and usually requires action. We tend to fear that the action we will take will be insufficient, so we get fearful and decide to forget it and run.
- Finding Excuses And Reasons – Like all the above, we find excuses and reasons for not doing things and that is what fear is. It finds the excuses not to do, not to attend, not to lose weight, not to find a job, to forget everything and run. Then we include our expectation and we make assumptions which all equals FEAR.
I hope I have given you food for thought and added a little value to your day!
Please leave some feedback, your thoughts and comments are welcomed.
If you would like help to stop being your own worst enemy, book your 30-minute Complimentary Clarity Session to discover what you need to start turning your challenges around – call +44 7415 160086 or fill in this form
Some Boddie Life Coaching is based in Tipton and works with individuals in and around Birmingham and the United Kingdom